5 Festival Looks To Avoid

'Festival Chic'. Two of the most overused words in fashion journalism. Ever.  Festivals have become sartorially significant within the British girl's diary. The reason for this is threefold: 1. The British weather is shit. 2. British festivals are shit. 3. It's pitched to you as the only acceptable moment, where once a year where you can get off your face, cover yourself in loo roll and other bits and bobs from around your house and wear shorts that are basically pants all whilst channelling your inner Stevie Nicks/Beyonce. This is not true you are entitled to do this every weekend if that's what floats your boat.

What brings on this polemic is the proliferation of 'festival-how-to' guides. Coachella is often the catalyst for these guides. As a Brit, Coachella is a bit like having your face rubbed in shit. No one should look like people do, at a festival, at Coachella. Ignore Coachella, it's everything English festivals are not, therefore do not take inspiration from those well lubed, starving, fedora/cowboy boot wearing yanks.

What you wear to a festival (we need to think of a new word for outdoor music events, even the word festival makes my toes curl) is a very good indication of you as a person. Most music festivals in the UK are now over run with sixteen year olds doing poppers and shoe wearing Indie-lad Essex boys on pills. Day festivals are not festivals.


Basically my gripe is that festivals have become a reason for people to dress like fucking idiots. If you want to dress like asshole (which is applaudable) get loaded and go out, just hit up East London, it's cheaper and I promise you will find like minded people. So here's our tips for what to avoid, because there will undoubtedly be ten thousand other people repping your 'style', if you chose to take on any of these looks this 'summer.' I'm sorry this is in a guide format.

1. Bindis

I could write an essay on why this is not acceptable. I won't because no one would read it and it would take me ages. Bindis are religious. To Hindus they symbolise ones intellect-  Mind you, I don't know how clever you feel when you're being sick at Field Day because you whitied and you're trying to save face by ensuring your bindi is still stuck to your forehead?

2. Cut Offs

This is not necessarily your fault. For some reason people are programmed to think this is all you can wear to an 'outdoor music event'. Yawn. If you can see the 'smile', not matter how many of your male friends let you know you look great, they're too short. Any sort of denim that's been fucked with: studded, bleached etc burn. 

3. Head Dresses

Why do outdoor ticketed events make people feel like donning head-gear? Hats are almost impossible. 9 times out of ten if you have a hat on you will look like a wanker. 10 times out of 10 if you're wearing an Indian Chief head dress you will look like a wanker. 

4. Wellies

You don't need them and they make you look like Charlie Dimmock. If you need waterproof footwear, go for jellies, or, literally anything else (galoshes, moonboots, plastic bags and elastic bands will give you an edge).

5. Fancy Dress

A picture is worth a 1000 words. 

If you're looking for original festival style be sure to look at Burning Man, whose menu of styles includes, loin clothes, dungarees, red neck boiler suits...not for the faint hearted but sure to make an impact.

Good Luck,

HM jr

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High Street Most Wanted

Whistles Kamikaze Shoes

HM sr

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Navy 4 Lyfe

Turtle neck sleeveless dress American Apparel, Jumper Cos, Coat Cos, bag Prada,

HM jr

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Penthouse Sweet

Hot Milk's Heroine of The Month is Roz Clarke.

Roz was heavily involved with Penthouse magazine in the 1990s and has written erotica specifically for a female audience. Roz edited Penthouse Variations which specialised kinkie topics of sexuality such as bondage, fetish clothing, exhibitionism, voyeurism, foot fetishism, female dominance, sadomasochism and...water sports; our kind of lady. Roz exudes the type of coolness that eludes anyone who tries too hard.  She now lives in West London and is doing an OU English degree. 




Tell us about your early career

My life has been a bit erratic. In the early 90s I worked on a home interest magazine selling advertising space and writing some of the features. Subsequently I was appointed editor of Said magazine. That was my day job. I also wrote scripts of a sexual nature for premium rate telephone lines. In the mid 1990s I launched my own magazine Lust, a text based magazine that I wanted to become an erotic magazine for women. I was before my time and there were insurmountable difficulties.

What about your involvement in Penthouse? 

In the late 1990s I got a job launching and editing Penthouse Variations, an edgy sister publication to Penthouse that focused on sexual diversity. I also edited various other Penthouse titles and wrote a lot of stories and features for the main magazine. At one point I was doing the Penthouse thing, was heavily involved in my partner’s magazine American Indian Review and also edited the village parish magazine! Random is my middle name. 

Who do you most admire?

Howard Marks. My late partner George. Anyone who bucks the establishment and anyone on the front line of the war  fighting for human rights.

What does being a feminist mean to you now in 2013?

These day I feel it means supporting in any way possible women who are denied basic rights and freedoms: the right to education, the right to marry (or not) who they please, the right to leave an abusive relationship. In essence, the right to be themselves and to have the same opportunities afforded them as the males in their society.

What's been your film for 2013?

I rarely watch films and I haven’t been to the cinema this year. I read voraciously. My all time favorite books are Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Memory Artists, The Story of O, A Thousand Splendid Suns and the Stieg Larsson trilogy.

Your favorite place? 

Totnes. 

How would you describe your style?

I don’t do trends. I go my own sweet way and if it gels with the zeitgeist, yeah!

Must have wardrobe item?

Knickers

What year of your life has been the best so far?

1967 was pretty good, if my addled memory of that time serves me well, and 1996 was bitter sweet.

And what's the one thing you really hope to achieve in life still?

To write a hugely successful novel.

HM

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In Good Company

Kate didn't know I'd ratted her out about the time she cut my hair...till she read it in Company's SS13 Edit.

HM jr

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